“Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will.” This powerful share from author Suzy Kassem thumps me right in the heart. There was a time in my life where my highest priority was safety. I was filled with doubt about myself and I didn’t know it. Subconsciously, I wanted to ensure that no one would ever judge me (an impossible ask) and that I would have a steady income at any price. The price I paid was being miserable. The resulting actions of my doubt-filled subconscious were that I sold out on myself.
At that time in my life, I twisted myself into whatever shape I thought those around me would accept. I didn’t speak or act from my heart. I took a job that didn’t inspire me (and paid poorly) and I tweaked my wardrobe and habits until I felt welcomed by the outside world. The outside world was still never satisfied, and neither was I. Doubt was running the show. And the show was my human experience and my connection to my soul’s calling.
The break. Certain things in life can only bend so much until they snap. For 10 years, I gave myself whiplash as I lived my dispassionate life and kept looking around for the life of my dreams. I had created a neatly packaged, yet falsehearted, way of living. Finally, my heart spoke up and slammed me straight onto the living room floor, and the floor of every room in the house. For days, this breakdown started right after my young children left for school. Once the tears started streaming down my face, it seemed that they would never stop.
My breath felt broken. I was hyperventilating. My body felt broken. I couldn’t get up from the floor. My heart felt broken. It was pounding irregularly. The tears would not stop flowing. When I first hit the floor, I called my husband to come home from work and help me. He left work and hurried home. He held me, but the pain felt even worse once he unwound his arms from my body. I knew that the pain was deeper than a few hugs would help relieve.
I called a friend. She had transformed her life and was now standing strong in her relationship with herself. She had healed her childhood trauma and was now a resource for others wanting to do the same. I knew that if I exposed myself vulnerably and shared my breakdown with her, that she would hold me accountable and prescribe a path of healing and transformation. She did. After a few days of railing against the recommendations she laid out, I started down the path of investing in my personal growth. I began spending time with wellness leaders and spending time with myself, going within, and working through exercises recommended by those thought leaders.
As I made that change in direction, I trusted myself. Even though I was terrified, I knew it was the right step. My heart clenched as I considered the challenges I would face in exploring what caused the symptoms of my life. I didn’t want to look deeper into the mirror. My pain was all I knew. How could there be another way to live? What would I find on the other side of my current ways of being? I was afraid of delving into my wounds and my protective patterns, but I was more afraid to continue repeating the same fear-inspired actions.
Thus, I learned to trust. Before the web is built, the spider leaps. I leapt into and towards my authentic self. She caught me as I knew she would and every day our paths merge more profoundly. By going within myself daily through meditation, by working through the healing exercises I now teach others, by taking one step each day to fulfill my purpose on earth, I am reconnecting to the divine love within me and within everything. If we trust in the universe, hone our intuition, act in service to the world, and follow our inner guidance, we are moving in the direction of our purpose and the successful abundance of ourselves and others.
I am on my journey. I am standing in the aliveness of my divine essence and living from that place. It is an ever-evolving journey. Doubt tugs at me as I come forward as an entrepreneur, but it won’t hold me back. I’m launching my gift of biofield therapy into the world. I am reintegrating my fellow souls with their source energy through Reconnective Healing. I am reckoning with the wounds inside me, breaking through the behaviors and thought patterns that no longer serve me. Oftentimes, we have to break down to break through.
Have you experienced breakdown to break through to something waiting on the other side? Are you working with someone right now to help you shift out of behaviors and patterns that no longer serve you? I would love to hear about your evolution and what has served you in your life.
Please let me know if I can be of service to your freedom and expansiveness. I am here to support your journey. A sample one-on-one remote energy healing can be booked HERE. Join my Awake Free Expansive program. You’ll experience a monthly energy healing appointment, unlimited access to my Awakening Exercises platform, journal prompts, and so much more. Start with a sample healing appointment and change your life.
Holding You in Love & Light,
Awaken, Free, Expand.
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